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ACRO E-mail Archive Thread: [Acro] Fwd: FW: Pilot Humor



                


Thread: [Acro] Fwd: FW: Pilot Humor

Message: [Acro] Fwd: FW: Pilot Humor

Follow-Up To: ACRO Email list (for List Members only)

From: Carl Cline <sectnldr at yahoo.com>

Date: Wed, 27 Nov 2002 18:36:48 UTC


Message:

  
--- > Subject: FW: Pilot Humor
> 
> 

>             Hope you enjoy this.  A very happy and THANKFUL
> Thanksgiving this year for you.  Health and family will be at
> the top of your prayer list when you bless your bounty.  See
> you next week. 
> Subject: Pilot Humor
>  
> Pilot Humor: 
> When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always
> have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. 
> Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean
> than there are submarines in the sky. 
> Never trade luck for skill. 
> The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in
> aviation are: 
> "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh, crap" 
> Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. 
> Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a
> pilot pregnant. 
> Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to
> successfully complete the flight. 
> A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck;
> three in a row is an outright lie. 
> I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous. 
> Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up
> there! 
> If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's
> probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe. 
> Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag
> for the storage of dead batteries. 
> Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like
> squatting to pee. 
> Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your
> plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it
> or doing anything about it. 
> When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was
> forgotten. 
> Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral
> will be held on a sunny day. 
> Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang seems
> inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in
> the vicinity as slowly and as gently as possible. 
> The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just
> barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test
> pilot) 
> A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his
> plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut) 
> If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far
> into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic
> and test pilot) 
> If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride
> the bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author &aviator) 
> Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil
> For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing (sign over the entrance
> to the SR-71operating location Kadena, Japan). 
> You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul
> F. Crickmore - test pilot) 
> Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. 
> There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
> (sign) over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).
> 
> The three best things in life are a good landing, a good
> orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing
> is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to
> experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but
> obviously someone who's been there.) 
> "Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (DC-9 captain
> trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an
> A-320). 
> What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and
> pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If the ATC
> screws up, the pilot dies. 
> Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive
> flying club. 
> If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to
> be. 
> Basic Flying Rules: 
> 1.Try to stay in the middle of the air. 
> 2. Do not go near the edges of it. 
> 3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of
> ground, buildings, sea, trees, wires, and interstellar space.
> It is much more difficult to fly there. 
> You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes
> full power to taxi to the terminal. 
> 


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